The Rumour
by silkendreammaid
Summary: It doesn't take much to start a rumour. 11: The Books
1. The Flower

**The Rumour**

Disclaimer: I do not own, and never will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**1: The Flower**

It was a single flower and it was lying on the floor near the door to the office.

Breda saw it as he came down the corridor and stopped to pick it up. You didn't usually find flowers in military corridors. Had it fallen from a bouquet getting delivered or just dropped from the loose fingers of a casual picker? Breda shrugged and looked at it. It was red and he thought it was probably a rose. But he knew little about flowers and still winced when he remembered complimenting one lady on her daisies only to have been informed, in a loud and offended tone, that these were '…not so common as a daisy, you ignorant little man. They are gerberas.' At least he knew that what he had here was neither a daisy nor a gerbera.

He twirled the stem in his fingers and the petals barely moved. He sniffed and it did have a fragrance that was very pleasant. He walked into the office still contemplating the flower.

There was mayhem in the office. The Colonel and Edward were arguing and for once they both seemed to be on the same side. Breda stood just inside the door. Ahh, they were both trying to get out of attending the annual Recruitment Day. He smiled to himself. Yes, that would be about the only thing those two would agree on. For all the size of their egos, neither liked being on public display. And Recruitment Day would have them dragged from Division to Division and extolling the benefits and virtues to be had in serving the glorious State through its Military. Which neither of them believed in.

"That is what the orders say." Havoc kept saying. He was looking very pale and the cigarette had dropped from his lip a long time ago. Falman was nodding in agreement every time he spoke.

Fuery was watching them, his head moving from side to side. He wasn't going to get involved and he sat quietly. Al sat beside him and it always amazed Breda that something so large could appear so unnoticeable at times. Al had such a self-effacing manner, it was easy to overlook him.

Breda looked at the First Lieutenant and caught her rubbing her forehead with her fingers. He could almost see the tension in her as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her shoulders twitched. Hawkeye was obviously having a bad day and the loud voices were not helping.

Breda walked over to her and held out the flower. A spot of colour might be just what she needed he thought.

"For you, Hawkeye."

Hawkeye looked up and saw the flower and the kind eyes behind it. She reached out automatically and took it from him. She instinctively brought it to her nose and sniffed delicately and smiled at the scent.

"Thank you Breda. I've always liked roses."

Breda smiled and filed that away into his meager flower file. Now he knew what a rose looked like.

"You're welcome, Lieutenant."

They suddenly felt it and turned their heads to see everyone staring at them with various expressions of shock and surprise. Eyes were wide and mouths open. Breda frowned and turned to look at Hawkeye who was staring back at them.

"Why are you all staring and not working?" Hawkeye demanded as she reached for her gun. She frowned as they all blinked and then quickly began to look busy.

Ed dragged his brother away with a shouted, "I'm still not going, bastard!" The office could hear Al berating Ed for his language as they disappeared.

Fuery looked at the plans for the switchboard and put his head right down. Falman sat down and began to fill out requisition slips with a determined expression on his face.

Havoc frowned at Breda and stomped to his desk and propped a file up against the desk lamp and hid behind it. Judging from the muttered cursing a short time later, Havoc could no longer spell his own name.

Mustang contented himself with a loud retort of "If I have to be there, then so do you, shrimp" to the back of Ed's coat, before raising an eyebrow at Hawkeye and smirking as he settled into his chair. He waved his pen flamboyantly at her and then began signing the papers on his desk before she could shoot him.

Hawkeye and Breda exchanged a quick look and he shrugged. He didn't see what the problem had been. All he had done was give a flower to Hawkeye. He moved over to his desk and pulled the first of several operational stratagems that he had been working on lately. Breda loved strategy and logistics and within two minutes he was completely oblivious to everything around him.

Hawkeye looked around the now quiet office with a slightly pensive expression on her face. She wasn't stupid, she knew what they had seen and what they had thought. How they could have made that leap was something she was never going to find out. Just because Breda had given her a flower, even if it had been a rose…a single red rose. He hadn't meant anything by it. She had seen nothing on his face other than a slight touch of concern.

She settled back at her desk and rubbed her forehead again. She hoped the headache would fade soon. Her eyes fell on the rose and she smiled slightly. It was always nice to receive flowers she thought, even when there was no reason for them. She shrugged and began to put the incident from her mind. Crazier things had happened in this office before and she was fairly certain it would see even stranger things in the future.

* * *

_A sergeant overheard Ed and Al arguing over whether flowers or chocolates were better to give and that 'surely he should have given her more than one flower?' and before lunch it was all over Eastern Command that Colonel Mustang was tight-fisted and that his First Lieutenant should look elsewhere._

* * *

Author's Note: It's fluff and it attacked and I really don't know where it's going, although I have some idea on how I'd like it to finish.

But that could be just a rumour…

silken :)


	2. The Phone Call

**The Rumour**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 2: The Phone Call**

When the phone on his desk rang, Colonel Roy Mustang picked it up.

"Mustang." He said with a disinterested voice that perfectly matched the expression on his face. It took one word from the man on the other end to cause his face to pale and his lips to tighten. His hand fisted at the receiver and he had to take a deep breath to stop himself from dropping the phone.

"_Roy!"_ The exuberant voice of Lieutenant-Colonel Maes Hughes reverberated in his ear and he closed his eyes as it echoed in his head.

"_How's it going, buddy? I just had to call when I heard the news. How could you, Roy? How do you expect to get a wife if you don't treat them right? The joys of marriage and fatherhood will pass you by, my friend. Which reminds me, I can pick up all your gifts for my beloved angel next week, so make sure they're all ready for me."_

"Hughes." Mustang said in a heavy voice which just barely managed to avoid sounding like a growl.

Grins went around the office. They could almost make out the words squeaking from the receiver that was now six inches from the Colonel's ear.

"_What, Roy?"_ Hughes' voice was light and concerned. _"How bad is it? You sound a bit strange, are you feeling okay?"_

"Maes, why are you ringing me? Some of us do have work to do." Mustang ignored the muffled snort that came from the short blond on the couch. He didn't meet the skeptical eyes above the gun from the blonde at the opposite desk and he refused to acknowledge the choking noises from two other colleagues. Falman and Fuery merely shrugged.

There was a rude noise from the other end. _"Don't be silly, Roy. You're the laziest friend I have."_

"I'm the only friend you have." Mustang muttered, and Maes ignored him and kept on going, the wide grin on his face evident in every word he spoke.

"_Anyway, so when does Hawkeye leave? Not before I get there next week I hope? We can travel back here together, she can help with the presents."_

Mustang sat up straight in his chair and he fixed his eyes on Hawkeye as he interrupted Maes.

"Maes, what do you mean? Hawkeye's not leaving here." Mustang said in a very firm voice.

The office went silent and they all got wide eyes and looked at Hawkeye who looked back at them, equally stunned.

"_But Roy, everyone's saying she's leaving you and returning to Central."_

"Maes, First Lieutenant Hawkeye is not leaving, she's not transferring and she's certainly not going to Central!"

"_No Roy, I meant leaving _you

The office was treated to a vision they had never seen before. Roy Mustang went completely white and then he went completely red. His hand gripped the phone so tightly they all swore later that they heard the receiver crack.

"Maes. There is nothing between the First Lieutenant and me." He said in a voice that could have frozen boiling water instantly.

Hawkeye went white, her eyes narrowed and she stood up, her hand resting on her gun.

"_Well, of course not, Roy. Not now she's left you."_

"Maes." Roy said heavily. "There is not and there never has been anything between Hawkeye and me. I don't know where you heard otherwise, but your information is wrong."

"_It's okay, Roy. I can understand you wanting to pretend it never existed. Just don't do anything stupid. I'm sure she'll realise just how mistaken she is and come back to you." _Maes offered his support and was very surprised to have the sound of a phone being slammed down reverberate in his ear. Poor Roy, the man was taking it hard, he thought.

Roy Mustang broke the receiver as he slammed it down. Hawkeye walked across to stand in front of his desk.

"What was the meaning of that Sir?" She asked in a cold voice.

"Your guess is as good as mine, Hawkeye. Hughes seems to think that you are... leaving … me due to… personal matters."

"With all due respect Sir, that's just absurd." Hawkeye said clearly.

"I know, Hawkeye, believe me I know." Mustang muttered and pinched the bridge of his nose. "And he's coming here next week for some reason." He added with a long-suffering sigh.

"Recruitment Day." Havoc said blandly. "The Lieutenant-Colonel is representing Central Investigations."

Mustang groaned. Next week was fast becoming a week where he was going to find something suitably virulent and infectious to come down with.

"Your week just got better, bastard." Edward laughed from the couch and tossed his report on Mustang's desk. "I'm off to the Library to see how Al's going."

He was nearly to the door when Mustang called him back.

"As you have so much free time at the moment, Ed, you can go and get something for Elysia."

"Why me?" Ed demanded.

"Because you know what children want."

"How would I know that, bastard?"

"I don't know, Edward. You're nearly as short as she is, surely that means something." Mustang unwisely remarked.

Edward's rant was impressive and the office stopped to watch as the teen nearly exploded. Mustang let out the frustration he had been feeling since Hughes had rung and he responded with an equally impressive display. Edward went so far as to nearly clap and Mustang had his fingers poised when Hawkeye fired and brought the shouting match to its normal conclusion.

* * *

"_C'mon Al." Edward was overheard to say as he and his brother left the Library. "The damned bastard's got me doing his dirty work again. I don't see why I have to do this. He should be doing his own shopping. How the hell do I know what she'll like?" _

_It took an hour for the news to spread and by then everyone knew that Colonel Mustang was going to propose to his First Lieutenant and had sent the Fullmetal Alchemist to buy the ring._

* * *

Author's Note: It grows and spreads. And mutates….

Thank you so much to everyone for commenting and enjoying.

silken :)


	3. The Gift

**The Rumour**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 3: The Gift**

When Master Sergeant Kain Fuery entered the office he was frowning. Breda and Hawkeye were the only other people there and they both stared.

"Are you alright, Kain?" Breda asked, somewhat startled by the sight.

Fuery looked at them and his eyes became undecided as he looked at Hawkeye. He looked almost unhappy and his frown deepened.

"Fuery?" Hawkeye queried. "What's bothering you?"

Fuery sat down at his desk and looked at her. "I heard a rumour." He muttered as his eyes dropped to his desk. Breda and Hawkeye exchanged glances. Fuery looked upset and they came around to his desk.

"There are always rumours around here, you know that, Kain." Hawkeye said carefully, trying to put him at ease.

"But this one is about…you." He said quietly as he looked up at her. Hawkeye frowned slightly and then smiled reassuringly at him.

"Don't worry about it, Kain. These things never last long."

"Hawkeye…" Fuery's voice became strained. "They said you're pregnant."

Breda and Fuery stood up in concern as Hawkeye paled alarmingly and Fuery began stammering.

"I…I'm sorry, but I had to tell you. I heard someone saying it and they were …they were saying everyone knew and that it had to be true and…" Fuery came to a sudden stop as Hawkeye lifted her hand. She took a few deep breaths and she looked Fuery.

"Thank you for telling me, Kain." She said in a very controlled voice. "I can see this wasn't easy for you."

"Hawkeye, I'm sorry…" Fuery repeated sincerely and his eyes were glassy.

She shook her head. "Better I hear it from you than have some complete stranger come up to…congratulate me." She shuddered.

"How do these things even get started?" Breda asked.

"Who knows?" Hawkeye replied with a sigh. "And there's really no way to find out. Sometimes I feel the Military runs on rumour and gossip."

The office door slammed open and an irate Edward Elric stomped in. Alphonse was trailing behind him and the three could swear that Al was grinning at his brother. They were hard pressed not to grin either as they noticed the extremely large and unwieldy pink rabbit, labeled 'Lucy', that Edward was carrying.

"This is what I get for doing the bastard's shopping for him." He said forcefully as he walked to the Colonel's desk. With a malicious grin, he placed the stuffed rabbit in Mustang's chair and pushed it closer to the desk.

"Edward. Explain this." Hawkeye demanded.

"It's what the bastard wanted me to get for Elysia, Hawkeye. We ran all over the city to find this damned thing yesterday and by the time we did manage to find it, I had to lug it to the dorms because the offices were locked." He glared at his brother. "And today I had to carry it all the way here, looking like a complete idiot again, because _someone_ didn't want to help me hide it, _again_."

"I'm sorry Brother." Al giggled. "But it really would lose its shape if you stuffed that into me. And you know how the Lieutenant-Colonel would react then."

"I don't care how he reacts, Al! It's every one out there thinking it belongs to me that bothers me. I did say it was for the bastard, but I bet no-one believes me." Ed grumbled as he placed a file in front of the rabbit.

"You walked through East City last night carrying that and saying it was for the Colonel?" Breda asked in slow careful tones.

"I just said that, Breda." Edward replied as he stared at the rabbit before going to the cupboard in the corner and pulling out the Colonel's spare hat and placing it on the rabbit's head.

"You didn't say it was for Elysia?" Breda continued.

"Of course not." Ed rolled his eyes. "Who else would he be buying toys for?" He asked rhetorically as he tilted the hat to an angle. He smirked as he took a step back and admired his handiwork. He didn't see the resigned look that Hawkeye and Breda exchanged. The damage was done. It couldn't be undone and the culprit was blissfully unaware of what he had done.

"Come on, Al. Back to the library." Ed said happily and he turned to the others. "Tell the bastard he owes me one."

* * *

Mustang's reaction to finding a large pink rabbit sitting at his desk and wearing his cap made Hawkeye grateful Edward was not still here. As it was she had to shoot at him to stop him from incinerating it. It took several threats before he calmed down enough to have it moved to the couch and he glared at it.

It didn't help when Havoc remarked facetiously that if the Colonel could bring his girlfriends into the office, then he should be allowed to smoke.

Mustang immediately left the office to hunt Edward down. It took him ten minutes to find the blond in the library.

"You left it at my desk, Fullmetal." He hissed at him, mindful of the fact they were in the library.

"Where else was I supposed to put it, bastard?" Edward asked reasonably.

"Do you know what my staff said, Edward?" He asked in a dreadfully quiet voice.

Edward shrugged. "What? That she does more work than you do?" He replied carelessly and smirked up at him.

Mustang gritted his teeth and only just managed to refrain from snapping his fingers. "Havoc has already named it 'my piece on the side' and Hawkeye nearly emptied a full clip in my wall."

"How is that my fault? All I did was what you told me to do. You owe me big time."

"I owe you nothing, Edward. Get it out of my office." He walked away.

"You do it. She's your Lucy, bastard." Ed called loudly after him.

* * *

_Several people overheard the Fullmetal Alchemist's retort and it took thirty minutes for everyone to know that the Colonel was cheating on his pregnant First Lieutenant._

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Author's Note: It mutated and twisted again…lol

And thank you for commenting and enjoying. It's always wonderful to know you're enjoying this.

silken :)


	4. The Apology

**The Rumour**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 4: The Apology**

Hawkeye found the weight of eyes upon her the next day as she walked around the complex and she frowned. She made it a forbidding frown and no-one dared to talk to her. There were questions in every face she went past. She wondered how long this rumour was going to last and wished someone would do something spectacularly stupid to make the fickle attention of the gossips move away from her.

For all the years she had been in the military she had never been the focus of this sort of attention.

She knew that what Edward had done, could not be undone. Acknowledging a rumour was tantamount to admitting it to be true. And there was no way known to man or herself that she would give this rumour any credence.

Breda had been sympathetic and Fuery was still overflowing with apologies for having told her. As far as she knew they were the only ones in the office who knew about it and for that she was grateful. Although she knew that would probably change later today. Fuery had a habit of blurting things out.

She found roses on her desk when she entered the office and blinked at them. She looked around the office. Falman and Fuery were arguing over the placement of a panel. Havoc was staring morosely across the room and Breda was writing rapidly across one of his plans. He had a peculiar habit of using one hand to count with and his fingers would hit the desk with soft taps as he counted in singles or multiples and wrote the answers with the pen in his other hand. The Colonel was frowning at a report and judging from Edward's scowl, it was one of his.

No-one seemed to be looking at her or the flowers and Hawkeye was immediately suspicious. She knew this office well and they were never this uninterested in anything out of the ordinary. She walked to her desk, her eyes scanning the room. There was a small card with the flowers and she picked it up. She opened it, keeping her eyes on them and saw all their heads go down further. Her eyebrow rose. They knew something. She looked down at the note.

'_Sorry'_

She knew the handwriting and looked over at the culprit who ducked his head further.

"Edward." She said calmly and his face went red.

"Breda said you liked roses." He muttered, even as his ears went red and she had to hold back a smile. She looked over at Breda and he winked at her. He had taken it upon himself to make Edward aware of what had happened and after making him feel guilty, had suggested the flowers as a way to apologise.

"I do like them. Thank you." She saw his shoulders relax and he turned to face her, his face still burning.

"I… I didn't realise that what I said would…"

"It's okay, Edward. I fully understand." She interrupted him before he could say anymore. The teenager's blush began to fade and the others began to look up, smiling slightly. The moment of semi-privacy for the actual apology had now passed with its acceptance, and the teasing could now commence.

"A fitting apology. Fullmetal," the Colonel said with a smirk. "Like your reports, short and incomplete."

Edward glowered at him. He knew he had to take some of this as it had been his fault that Hawkeye's name, 'her _good_ name' according to Breda, had been 'besmirched by innuendo and baseless gossip', also according to Breda.

"Of course, being a mere child, it is to be expected, isn't it?" Mustang almost purred as he leant his chin on his intertwined fingers and watched the volatile blond bite down hard on a retort. "Your lack of stature has obviously contributed in your being unable to reach for anything resembling manners or tact."

Edward fisted his hands hard and his breathing became forced. His face began to redden again, but this time from anger not embarrassment. He stood up.

"As I have completed my duties, I'll be going now." He said through gritted teeth.

"I haven't dismissed you, Edward." Mustang said with a smirk.

"I'm not staying any longer, bastard!" Edward spat at him.

"You will stay until I tell you otherwise." Mustang said firmly.

There was a loud report as Hawkeye fired between them.

"Edward has my permission to leave, Sir." She said calmly as they both looked at her. Edward smiled, his eyes brightening and he smirked back at the Colonel, while Mustang frowned.

"I don't think that you are allowed to overrule your commanding officer like that, Hawkeye." Mustang protested.

"As you are an incurable ergophobic, Sir, I can overrule you whenever I please." She said as the office grinned. She turned to Edward who was watching with a puzzled look on his face. "Thank you for the flowers, Edward. I'm sure Alphonse is waiting for you."

"Yeah. He's at the dorm. We'll be at the library."

They watched him leave and then Breda remarked.

"He is a good kid, you know."

"You really shouldn't have teased him like that, Sir." Hawkeye said to the Colonel.

"And if I didn't, Hawkeye? You saw him, he expected it. Otherwise he'd feel that he hadn't really apologised." Mustang sighed. "The boy almost feeds on guilt."

"He's not so much a boy anymore." Havoc said idly. "Several of the secretaries have been watching him."

Everyone stared at Havoc. Who stared right back at them. "Haven't you noticed it?" He asked them.

"Noticed what?" Fuery asked.

"The secretaries hand deliver his requests instead of just ringing it through like they used to."

* * *

"…_find out what it means, Al" Ed said as they left Headquarters for the library. "Apparently the bastard has it, and it's incurable."_

_It took less than thirty minutes before everyone knew Colonel Mustang was dying from a terminal disease and that was why his First-Lieutenant had been frowning this morning and also why she had agreed to have his child._

* * *

Ergophobia- Fear of work.

Author's Note: I just love the way these things grow…like fungus.

silken :)


	5. The Card

**The Rumour**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 5: The Card**

Colonel Roy Mustang frowned as he walked to his office. People had been giving him strange looks all day and it was starting to annoy him. Even worse, the looks were ones of sympathy and pity and that really annoyed him. He couldn't think of anything he needed to be pitied for.

Hawkeye was the one with that problem and he sympathised with her. He really did. It couldn't be easy, knowing people were thinking you were pregnant. Especially when you weren't. He idly wondered who the rumour-mongers had selected as the lucky 'father' but decided not to ask. Hawkeye would really shoot him if he did that and he couldn't even begin to imagine the rumours that would set off.

Another secretary passed with a sympathetic look and his frown deepened. He might get Breda to find out what was going on. Maybe he could find out why he was getting all these strange looks.

He entered the office and found his staff staring at a highly embarrassed and annoyed Fullmetal Alchemist. His eyebrow rose as he saw the flowers on the desk and noticed the card Havoc was holding up high as Edward tried to jump for it.

"Give it back, Havoc!"

"I just want to know who sent it." Havoc drawled.

"Who cares? It's stupid! Give it back!"

"You have an admirer and you don't care?" Havoc spluttered at him.

"I don't want a fucking admirer! Just give it back to me!" Edward demanded, his face completely red with anger and shame. He wanted to destroy them as quickly as he could. He couldn't believe anyone would do this to him. It had to be a cruel joke and he hated it.

"What's going on in here?" Mustang asked in an amused voice.

"Someone sent Edward flowers, Sir." Hawkeye replied in her usual composed manner.

"Why would anyone do that?" Mustang asked.

"That's what Edward thinks too," Hawkeye remarked in a lower tone. Mustang looked at her and then at Ed. The boy looked absolutely mortified and Mustang was at a loss as to understand why.

"Why?" he lowered his voice to match hers and Hawkeye turned to look at him.

"He's barely sixteen, he's too focused on his brother and their search and he's been the butt of too many jokes around here. How can you expect him to realise that this isn't another one?"

Mustang frowned. He knew he had been responsible for several of those jokes and the gleam in Hawkeye's eye told him she was well aware of that as well. He sighed.

"Don't look at me like that, Lieutenant."

"Like what, Sir?" Hawkeye queried, keeping her face absolutely expressionless and he sighed again. He was never going to win one against her and they both knew it.

He looked over at Havoc and Ed and a chagrined expression crossed his face. Edward was too short to reach the card _and so was he_. Havoc was taller than both of them. Plan B then he thought, and snapped his fingers. A flicker of flame began to dance around Havoc's boots and he brought his hands down as he tried to jump away from the flames.

Edward took the opportunity and snatched the card back and stepped away very quickly as Havoc continued to jump about.

"Dammit Colonel, what'd you do that for?" Havoc complained as the flames disappeared and he could stand still again.

"Stop teasing him, Havoc." Mustang said firmly. "It's the boy's first card, let him enjoy it." He added and saw Edward's jaw drop. The eyes went wide and his hands actually shook.

"This… this isn't…a joke?" He asked, almost wishing it was now.

"No, Edward." Hawkeye said. "They really are for you."

"But…why?" He blinked at Hawkeye and she smiled at him. For all his knowledge and for all the things he had seen, there was a surprising streak of innocence in him and she could see why the secretaries were starting to notice him.

"People give cards and flowers to people they like, Edward." She said calmly and he wrinkled his nose at her.

"I can understand that." He said with a slight frown and looked at the card cautiously. "This doesn't say who it's from, so what's the point of it then?"

"That would infer a secret admirer." Breda said as he came over. Edward looked puzzled. Hawkeye and Breda exchanged a quick look. Who was going to explain this one to him? They both looked at Mustang and shook their heads. No, definitely not him.

"Roy!"

The office door slammed opened and everyone turned to see the tall lanky frame of Maes Hughes standing there.

"Roy! How could you not tell me? I would've thought you would've called straight away." Hughes walked straight to Roy as he spoke and threw his arms around him. The office watched the changing expressions on Mustang's face with a mixture of absolute horror and hysterics. "Gracia is devastated and insists on you staying with us, no matter how long it takes. I can't believe it. Are you sure they're right? What if they've made a mistake?"

"Maes. What are you talking about?" Roy managed to say as he struggled to get his arms free to push Maes away.

"Your prognosis, Roy. What else? I can't believe the bad luck you've had lately. First Hawkeye and now this. It's tragic, absolutely tragic."

Roy managed to wriggle free and stared at his friend who noticed the flowers.

"At least no wreaths yet." He said as he picked them up and gave them to Roy. "I'll bring some too next time. While you can still enjoy them."

"Maes." Roy said in a threatening voice, fingers poised.

"I know dying must be hard to accept Roy, but there's no need to resort to violence."

"_Dying?_"

Mustang's hand tightened on the flowers he had just been given while his fingers trembled.

* * *

"…_threw it back at him! The look on his face...ha!" Ed chortled as he left Headquarters with his brother._

_And the word spread. The First Lieutenant had rejected the Colonel's proposal despite their respective conditions._

* * *

Author's Note: It mutated – again… maybe it's a virus…

silken :)


	6. The Plan

**The Rumour**

Disclaimer: I do not own, or ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 6: The Plan**

The Colonel looked at the remaining whiskey in his glass as it swirled around.

"I just don't understand how something like that got started." He said pensively before he lifted the glass and poured the contents down his throat.

"Who knows, Roy, but somehow they do." Maes watched him as they sat in a corner of the small bar just outside the gates of Eastern Command. He felt a bit stupid for having believed the rumour of Roy's impending demise. "I'm going to try and find out."

"Good luck with that. I don't think you'll find this one out."

"Breda did."

"Yes, but I believe that's because they were there when Ed walked in with that damned rabbit." Roy lifted his hand, signalling for another drink. "That sort of luck doesn't happen twice, not with something as ephemeral as a rumour."

"Am I or am I not, the best investigator in this whole damned country? Roy, my friend, with me on the case you won't have to worry. I'll have the culprit all trussed up and served on a platter for you."

Roy looked at his best friend, and stared at the bright eyes and the enthusiastic determination for a long moment. He buried his head in his hands and groaned.

* * *

The next morning Maes Hughes armed himself with his photos and ambushed everyone. He walked through every hall, every office and went through the mess twice. He was even seen chasing down a fleeing Fullmetal Alchemist who found himself trapped between a brick wall and a concrete bunker when he took a wrong turn.

"Ed! Just the person I need." Hughes said bouncily.

"No! No more damned pictures!" Ed protested as he found he couldn't go back any further and raised his gloved hands to clap.

"I need your help, Ed." Hughes said quietly and Edward's eyebrow rose.

"Me? What for?"

"I want to find out who started the rumour about Roy."

Edward looked at him. "Why? It's just a rumour."

"Rumours can hurt people. I believe you found that out the other day." The yellowy-green eyes narrowed slightly and Ed ducked his head at the reprimand.

"Yeah, fine." He muttered before he looked back up. "So why do you need me?"

"Because Havoc tells me you have a secret admirer."

Ed went red, his face burning. "That's none of his business! Or yours for that matter!" Embarrassment was in his eyes and in his posture as he turned away slightly and Hughes was careful not to let the slightest hint of a smile show on his face.

"But I can say that I'm trying to find out as a cover for my investigations." Maes said in all seriousness. "And who knows, I might even find out who it is for you."

"Hughes, aren't you being a bit…I mean, this is all rather trivial, isn't it?" Ed asked as he regained some composure and his face wasn't as red anymore.

"Roy is my friend, Ed. You wouldn't want to see Al hurt over something that might seem trivial to everyone else, would you?"

Ed sighed as he acknowledged the Lieutenant-Colonel's words. "Okay then, but don't tell Havoc or anyone if you do find out about… about that…admirer. Every time I go to the office, they're forever going on about it."

"I won't tell anyone but you." Hughes promised and Ed nodded reluctantly. "Good, now that's settled, just look at this one. See, how darling my angel is!"

* * *

Maes Hughes absconded with Breda after lunch and the two had a long discussion on the theory and logistics involved in capturing a rumour. Judicial use of rumours came under the field of propaganda and Breda had several operational strategies developed that used the technique as part of an overall scheme. Hughes worked on the thought that if you knew the ways a rumour could start, then you could back track to that point.

Breda was visibly shaking when he finally managed to escape.

* * *

"This is not a report, Edward." Roy stated calmly as he stared at the volatile blond.

"It answers all the questions, it has a conclusion and I even put in a recommendation. If you think you can do better, go right ahead, bastard."

"It's two pages of illiterate scribble."

"It's more than it deserved." Ed scowled at him. "It was totally pointless and you know it."

"That's beside the point. I gave you a task and you failed at it."

"I'm tired of wasting my time here, Mustang. I want to go to Central and the Library there."

Mustang looked at him and noticed the tensions. His hands were fisting slightly and there were frustrated edges in his eyes.

"No, I can't release you from here yet, Ed." Mustang was careful not to let any of his sympathy show. Edward would not take kindly to that, especially from him. Already there were signs of an impending rant.

"Hey Boss, you really are popular!" Havoc's voice broke the stare between them and they both blinked.

"What the…?"

"Chocolates this time." Havoc said as he held up a beribboned box.

Edward's rant disappeared under the tide of complete embarrassment that swept through him and he left the office at a run. He couldn't stay and take the teasing he had seen in their faces this time. Not again.

Edward ran straight into the last person he wanted to see right now.

"Hey Ed. You're looking a little rattled there." The cheery voice of Hughes had him sighing and wondering why he just couldn't get a break lately. "Wanna go somewhere and talk about it?"

* * *

_Maes was heard as he pushed the pub door open, "…he has a drinking problem."_

_Ed grinned. "But it was fun to watch him fall like that." At sixteen, watching someone, even a nameless Sergeant, tripping over their own feet because they were drunk was one of the funniest things he had ever seen._

_And everyone now knew that the Colonel had crawled into a bottle after having his proposal refused._

* * *

Author's Note: Yes, well, it sort of mutated again… enjoy.

silken :)


	7. The Invitation

**The Rumour**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 7: The Invitation**

Hughes was bored.

He had secreted himself in the last stall of the men's bathroom and been sitting there for two hours. Men had to be the biggest gossips. Due to the structural layout of the room, men had limited choices of what to do with their hands and eyes. You kept your hands steady and your eyes straight ahead. Only beginners ever looked down and only idiots looked sideways. So to avoid being thought unsociable, men talked. Briefly and to the point, with no eye contact until hands were washed.

"Weren in Records got dumped again."

"His record is almost as bad as that Lieutenant in Mustang's office."

"No-one's that bad. Weren did score with that little blonde from Personnel."

"Six months ago."

"Still better than Havoc."

Both had laughed and Maes had heard zippers go up, hands washed and they were gone. The next few had not been very helpful either. As a married man, he didn't think knowing that the brunette in Supply was not a natural brunette was something he could use.

"…drinks like a fish, he said." The next voice echoed and Maes sighed. After this he was going to find somewhere else. He wondered whether he could sneak into the women's bathroom.

"I think we ought to put an official complaint in. He's a danger to us all."

"How'd you reckon that?"

"It's obvious, Kol. He snaps his fingers while he's plastered and we're all toast. The Flame Alcoholic."

Maes blinked. Were they talking about Roy?

"You'd think he'd give up on the women after all of this." The one called Kol remarked.

"Not everyone leans the way you do." His friend said.

"I know." There was a laugh. "It's probably just as well. At least I know I don't have to compete against the Mustang."

Maes held his breath. Roy didn't drink _that_ much and he had to shake his head at the thought of Roy being anything other than straight.

"And there is that lovely little blond in his office just ripe for the picking." Maes heard over running water.

"You wouldn't?"

"Hell yes. I have as much chance with Elric as the other secretaries have." The door slammed.

Maes sat down heavily, letting his breath out in a rush. Roy was an alcoholic and Ed was fair game? This was not quite what he had expected to hear. The rumour he wanted to track hadn't even been mentioned. And was any of this even related to the rumours of Roy's impending demise? And finding Ed's admirer had just become slightly more complicated as well.

He didn't think he should tell Ed about this development. Not yet anyway.

* * *

Breda turned the card over in his hand and frowned at it. He looked at the red-coated back just disappearing through the door and wondered what the hell he was supposed to do with it.

"Why did he do that?" he asked.

"Because you were the one that asked about it." Hawkeye's amused voice replied. "If you hadn't said anything, he would have thrown it in the bin."

Breda made a wry face. She was right, as usual. He had seen the card and asked about it and Edward had glowered and grumbled, saying it was an invitation to some outdoor festival tomorrow.

"_I don't know where it came from." He had complained. "It was shoved in with the files from Records."_

"_Are you sure it's for you, Ed?" Breda had asked._

"_Oh yeah, they even put it in a damned envelope with my name on it." He had dropped the files on the desk. "I really hate this. Why can't I get out of here?"_

"_You know you can't leave yet, Edward." Hawkeye had remarked sympathetically as he had stood there, card in his hand and a disconsolate expression on his face. He sighed resignedly._

"_I know. But I have to get out of here soon, Hawkeye." He looked at her and she could see the building frustrations._

"_Go to the festival and relax, Ed." Breda had said and Ed had looked at him in horror._

"_Are you out of your mind?" He had waved his hands around. "Me? With whichever crazy is sending me this shit?" He shook his head vigorously. "No way."_

"_I'm sure it won't be that bad." Breda had replied._

"_Then you go instead of me." Ed had tossed the card at him and left the room._

"I still think he should have gone. Given him a chance to be normal." Breda said thoughtfully as he began to read the card.

"I don't know if either of those boys know what 'normal' is," Hawkeye said pensively and he lifted his eyes from the card to look at her.

"This would have helped." He walked over and handed it to her. "I wonder if there's a way to persuade him to go."

"It's an invitation for two and you know how Edward feels about _that_." Hawkeye examined the card.

"He could take Al." Breda pointed out. "All it is, is a card for two, it's not actually specifying who the parties involved are. It could be for Ed and Al, for any two people, even us."

Hawkeye's eyebrow rose and Breda watched it move before he realised why it had moved. He blinked.

"I wasn't serious, Hawkeye. I mean, you know I'd never - none of us would ever consider you that way. I mean that's just impossible. I was just using us as an example." Breda said as calmly as he could and wondered at the slight pallor in her cheeks. "Unless, you want to go… to this… with me." He suddenly heard himself saying.

* * *

"…_knew he had balls like that? She even said yes." Ed said as he walked with Maes, past the sentry at the gates. "You should have seen the bastard's face. I thought he was going to flame them when they told him."_

_And so it went. The First-Lieutenant had now moved on and with none other than Jean Havoc, loser-extraordinaire._

* * *

Author's Note: And so it goes…grins…enjoy.

silken :)


	8. The Letter

**The Rumour**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 8: The Letter**

Havoc was in a foul mood as he stomped out of the office, a scowl on his face and smoke coming not only from his cigarette but also from his uniform. Maes Hughes' grin widened as he caught sight of the smouldering blond.

"Don't say anything, Lieutenant-Colonel." Havoc ground out.

"What did you do?" Hughes asked completely ignoring the threatening sound of his voice.

"_I_ didn't do anything. That pyromaniac of a bastard did."

"_HUGHES_!" The loud bellow had them both jumping and even Maes frowned. Roy rarely shouted like that. Maes felt in his pocket for the latest batch of photos. With a quick wink to Havoc, he turned to enter the office.

"Roy! Look at these! Freshly developed images of my darlingest angel!" His eyes shone as he deliberately exaggerated his movements, waving his arms around, pushing the pictures closer to his friend. "Aren't these simply the best ones you have ever seen? She's just so perfect!"

"Maes, I am going to burn each and every last one if you don't put them away, right now." Mustang's voice was low and dangerous and Maes gave his friend a strange look. Roy looked…frazzled. He had a quick look around and found the office empty.

"Okay, Roy. What is the problem?" He asked with a raised eyebrow and curious eyes.

"Have you found out where the rumours came from?"

"Not yet. They're…"

"Find out, Maes." Roy interrupted him. "I had Central call me this morning to ask why I have not informed them of my 'condition', as well as to organise time with some doctor as apparently they have received word that I am drinking heavily and not coping with my condition." Roy was not happy and his dark eyes were burning as he stared at his friend.

"Did you tell them it was only a rumour?"

"Yes, and they insisted I keep the appointment so they can get medical clarification of my state of health and mind. This is not going to look good on my record, Maes. You know what this could mean to our goal."

"I know Roy." Maes put his hand on the smaller man's shoulder. "I'll find it and stop it."

"You'd better or I _will _incinerate those photos."

* * *

A clean and cologne scented Havoc sat in the office after lunch, listening as Breda regaled him with stories of the festival he had attended with Hawkeye the day before. Mustang had left the office muttering something about a 'damned appointment' and Hawkeye had relented and let them slack off on the paperwork for the moment.

Hawkeye saw the almost wistful expression on Ed's face as he listened. He would have enjoyed going, she knew. It was a shame they hadn't been able to persuade him to use those tickets himself.

"…called stilts." Breda grinned at the short blond. "You'd have loved them, Ed. You could have been the tallest one here."

Ed smirked. "You city boy, Breda. Us country folk see them all the time." He deliberately drawled his words and Havoc grinned at Breda's disappointment at not getting a tantrum from Edward.

"He's got you there. They use them for fruit picking in some areas." Havoc remarked easily.

"That's not possible." Breda protested. "You need your hands to stabilise the sticks as you walk."

"There are some that strap to your lower legs, Breda. They're trickier to use but they leave your hands free." Ed told him.

"You've used them?" Breda asked, his eyes wide.

"Yep. It was the thing to have when we were about seven. You weren't anyone if you couldn't walk with stilts." He grinned. "I can get you some if you want to try them."

Breda shook his head. He was positive he was the wrong shape for something like that.

The early afternoon mail arrived and Hawkeye sorted through it as Havoc teased Breda, trying to get him to agree to the stilts.

"For you, Edward." Hawkeye dropped the envelope in front of him as she went past. "Two for you, Havoc. Fuery's magazine has come in and the rest are for the Colonel," she informed them as she placed the items on the appropriate desks.

"They're fumigating my end of the dorms." Havoc noted as he read his mail. "Hey Breda, alright if I crash at yours for the next couple of days?"

"Sure. But no smoking. And no snoring either."

"This is just..." Ed said in a low voice staring blindly at the letter he had received. His face was white and the page shook in his hand. He dropped it and stood up, swallowing hard before heading for the door. They could hear his footsteps getting faster as he began to run down the corridor.

Havoc picked it up and scanned it, his eyes going wide.

"What is it, Havoc?" Breda asked.

"It's a… letter."

"And?"

"It's a love letter."

"What's up with Ed?" Maes asked as he entered the office. "I haven't seen him run that fast before."

"It's this letter." Maes walked across and looked over Havoc's shoulder, his eyes going wide as he read.

"Oh my."

Hawkeye frowned at them and held her hand out. "Give." She ordered and they stepped back.

"Umm, no, I don't think so, Hawkeye." Havoc shook his head.

"Not this time." Hughes agreed.

"Why not?" And it better be a good reason she didn't have to add.

Havoc and Hughes exchanged a quick glance. "It's very explicit, Riza." Hughes said as he folded the letter, not quite meeting her eye.

Her eyebrow rose and her eyes narrowed. "And what else?"

Hughes shrugged apologetically. "The writer is obviously another male."

"Ah."

Havoc turned to Breda as the silence became unbearable.

"Tell me again about those kites you made yesterday."

* * *

"…_she said he wasn't able to get it up." Havoc said as he walked past the mess hall with Fuery later that day. _

_The news that the great ladies' man, Roy Mustang was impotent spread faster than any rumour had ever spread before._

* * *

Author's Notes: Yes, well, enough said, I guess… grins

silken :)


	9. The Uniform

**The Rumour**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 9: The Uniform**

Colonel Roy Mustang had always been popular. He had always had a way with the opposite sex. Phone numbers, letters, invitations, they all appeared on his desk regularly. But he was surprised by the amount that arrived in the morning mail the day after his medical examination.

Mustang opened one at random and then another. He frowned in confusion as he opened several more and they were all the same. They were variations on the same theme.

"_I heard you had this small problem and I'd love to help you out with this."_

None of them specified exactly what his 'problem' was supposed to be or how they were intending to 'help' him with it. But it didn't take a genius to realise that they were all from women and he was easily able to guess what kind of 'help' they were offering. But it was his 'problem' that he had trouble with. If it was his supposed terminal illness or his alcoholism, then sex was not a cure he had considered, or even heard of, before. Not that he was adverse to it, of course.

The letters remained stacked on the corner of his desk all morning as he tried to figure out what was going on. When the afternoon mail came and he saw the amount of letters that arrived, the whole office came to a standstill.

They watched him open letter after letter. He tried to keep his face expressionless but several times his hand shook and his eyes became slightly wild. One letter even had his face becoming slightly pink.

"Colonel?" Hawkeye queried after he had put down the last letter.

He blinked as he realised they were all watching him and he frowned. He had absolutely no idea what to do. It was a new experience for him. He knew how to juggle two women at a time, but fifty? This inundation was astounding and baffling. As soon as the official results came through confirming that there was absolutely nothing wrong with him, he was going to have them posted up where everyone could see them.

Havoc snickered and they all turned to look at him. He was reading one of the letters and Mustang snapped quickly. Havoc dropped the burning page even quicker with a protest.

"Hey, come on Chief, no fair!"

"I don't recall seeing your name on there, Havoc." Mustang replied sternly.

Havoc leant back against his desk. "That writing looked very familiar. It's almost the same as Ed's letter."

* * *

Edward Elric was not happy as he looked in the mirror and straightened the jacket again.

"Leave it alone, Brother. It looks fine." Al said with a long suffering sigh.

"It itches, Al. It's uncomfortable. It's stupid!" Ed grumbled. If there was one thing he hated more than even the bastard Colonel, it was having to wear the uniform. And this was one time when he had to wear it.

Recruitment Day.

It would be a whole day of being dragged from pillar to post, of being on display, of having to lie through his teeth and to look happy while doing so. It was moments like these when he would have almost preferred drinking milk. Almost.

Al had to push him out of the dorms and the familiar sight of a scowling Fullmetal being dragged by his brother was soon seen heading towards Mustang's office.

"They'll all be swooning for you now, Boss!" Havoc teased the glowering blond as he appeared until Hawkeye shot the cigarette from his mouth.

"No smoking in the office." She said and he could hear the 'leave him alone' she didn't say. But Havoc wasn't far wrong she thought. Edward in uniform was definitely worth looking at twice or even three times. She looked across at the Colonel and wondered when Roy was going to realise that Edward was going to supplant him with the female population of East City.

"I still don't see why I have to be part of this," Edward groused as he slumped into a chair after giving Havoc a hard stare.

"Because it's expected," Hughes said calmly as he checked his pockets for his photos, stopping short from actually bringing them out as he saw Roy lift a gloved hand, fingers ready to snap.

"If I have to do this, so do you, Ed." Mustang said as he straightened his jacket.

"Great. A whole day wandering around in an itchy uniform with a bastard Colonel." Edward sneered and Al reached over to cuff his brother. Ed turned around looking affronted. "What was that for, Al?"

"Be nice Brother. It's just for one day."

Ed sighed. "I'd rather be in the Library with you," his eyes wistful as he stared at the empty armour.

Hawkeye watched them. Roy was looking at them with a slight frown as well, she noticed.

"I'll take care of him, Al." Mustang suddenly said and everyone stared at him.

"As if!" Ed retorted, losing the wistfulness beneath the wave of familiar irritation the bastard always provoked. "Says the man who can't even take care of paperwork."

"Listen, shrimp…"

Hawkeye, Breda and Hughes shared a quick glance and smile. As long as those two bickered, they knew everything was fine.

"Are you going to break that up, Hawkeye?" Breda asked quietly as everyone kept watching the pair's exchange get louder.

"Soon. Let them get it out their systems now and they'll behave better out there."

She let them have ten minutes before she pulled her gun out and ended the argument in the usual manner.

"It's time to go." She looked at them both.

Ed grimaced. "Fine. Hope you got enough ammo Hawkeye, for when show pony here starts incinerating people."

* * *

"… _the only one I'll be doing that to, is you Ed."_

"_In your dreams." Ed snapped as they left the office to join the others going past to their Recruitment Day duties._

_The news that Colonel Mustang had set his sights on the Fullmetal Alchemist devastated and infuriated ninety percent of East Headquarters' female soldiers. It relieved most of the male population._

* * *

Author's Note: You can't tell me you didn't see this one coming at some point… grins

silken :)

Edited 21/3/08...ffnet has deleted all line breaks from my fics, so I am slowly going through and replacing them.. please forgive any delays this causes 


	10. The Accident

**The Rumour**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 10: The Accident**

Edward Elric decided that having to spend time with the Colonel, walking around and smiling through Recruitment Day, gave him three things. A headache so bad he thought Al had hit him again, an all over rash from having to wear the uniform for more than an hour, and an absolute hatred of the Colonel that exceeded any hatred he'd ever had for the man before. The man never let up. Suave, smooth and smiling, he dragged Ed with him _everywhere_. He could not get two feet away before the Colonel's smooth, casual voice would be saying "isn't that right, Fullmetal?" and he'd have to turn back and smile and agree and wish that murdering your superior officer was not a capital offence.

It didn't help with the looks he was getting from the other soldiers around him either. Several secretaries seemed to understand his predicament and had tried to distract Mustang, but the man had shrugged them off and kept going. They had tried to insist that Ed was needed for other duties, but even that hadn't worked. Mustang would point out that he was the Major's Commanding Officer and as such, he was the one to determine what the Major's duties were and today he was to accompany the Colonel for as long as the Colonel saw fit. Ed began to seriously consider suicide at that point. Or desertion at the very least.

By the time lunchtime came around Edward had lost his appetite. Food had always been a comfort, but today he couldn't even look at it. Probably because it was his one chance to escape from the Colonel's company. The Colonel walked to the mess with Edward right behind him but as soon as Mustang opened the door and entered, Ed turned and darted off to the left. He would have kept on running right out of the compound if he hadn't been collared by Lieutenant-Colonel Hughes. Ed squawked as a hand snagged his collar and pulled him sideways, causing him to nearly fall over.

"Hughes!" he protested as he straightened both himself and his uniform.

"Going somewhere, Ed?" The tall man grinned at him and Ed glowered back.

"Shove it, Hughes. This is my one chance to be free of him."

"Where did you leave him?"

"In the mess hall," Ed shrugged. "Look Hughes, I really need to get out of here. I've done my duty. If I have stay with him another minute I'm going to kill him, or something."

Maes laughed and ignored the frown Ed gave him. "Look, just stay with me for a bit and then sneak off. Then I can tell Roy you didn't just run away."

"I'm not running away!" Ed growled.

"Oh really? What do you call it then?"

"Leaving," Ed said matter-of-factly and Maes grinned at him.

"Come on Ed. Another hour and I'll let you _leave_ early."

"Fine," Ed grumbled and sighed. Sometimes, even Maes Hughes could be a bastard.

* * *

The mess hall had been rearranged for the day, and extra tables had been set up with light refreshments for the visitors as well the usual bains-marie for the soldiers and for those who wanted to try real military food. Colonel Mustang discovered Ed was missing when no braided blond head pushed past him to join the lines. He turned and couldn't see the boy… young man anywhere.

"Lost your shadow, Chief?" Havoc's cheerful enquiry had him sighing.

"So it would appear, Havoc. Unless he's become even shorter than usual." There was no ranting blond suddenly screaming in his face so that meant Ed was at least fifty feet away. It was amazing just how acute Fullmetal's hearing was when the 'smaller' words were used.

"_I'll take care of him." _He had said the words lightly enough to Al, but he had meant them. He knew how much Ed detested these events and he had thought that keeping him close would enable him to keep Ed from getting into trouble, and not cause Al to worry more than he already did. So much for altruism, he thought. The fact that keeping Fullmetal from causing any major damage and disruptions would be personally advantageous had nothing to do with it.

"He's probably gone to the Library," Havoc said in a thoughtful voice and then frowned.

"What's wrong?" Mustang asked curiously. Havoc rarely frowned like that.

"Hawkeye and Breda are having lunch together."

"They often do. Hawkeye's grandfather was a great tactician." Mustang shrugged and scanned the room. Edward was definitely not here and he wondered if he should go and look for him. He looked back at Havoc, the man was practically glowering at the distant pair.

"Colonel?" Mustang turned and found Fuery beside him. The small man looked rather breathless.

Yes, Fuery?"

"There's been an accident," Fuery informed with him. Mustang raised an eyebrow. "It's Ed and the Lieutenant-Colonel."

Mustang paled slightly. Ed and Maes. Al and Gracia would kill him if anything happened to either of those two. "How bad is it?"

"Broken bones I think. I wasn't there. Falman sent me to get you. He's gone with them to the hospital."

"Havoc! I'll be at the hospital. Tell Hawkeye and Breda to cover for me." He whirled away from them and left the mess in a hurry.

* * *

"You pair of moronic idiots!" Roy Mustang shouted at the two occupants of a hospital room. One had a cast on his left arm and the other had a cast on his right leg. One had a bandage around his head, the other was sporting an impressive bruise down one side of his face. Both were wincing as the Colonel yelled at them. "Just what were you thinking? Oh I'm sorry. You _weren't_ thinking at all, were you? While I expect Ed to do stupid things, Maes, I never expected you to follow suit! Was there something completely lacking in your head? Like intelligent thought?"

Maes waved a languid hand. "Enough Roy, you're making my headache worse."

"It serves you right!" Roy snapped back. "And when Al gets in here, don't expect him to go easy on you, Fullmetal!" Ed groaned pulling the pillow over his head with his right arm, and trying to block out the noises that made his head throb.

"It was an accident Roy. If Ed hadn't reacted quickly it could have been a lot worse."

"How was it an accident? You were _seen_ operating that truck. You were _seen_ as it swerved into the officer's shower block. You were _seen _jumping out of it seconds before it exploded. Tell me how was this an _accident?_" Roy seethed, putting as much sarcasm into his voice as he could.

"One of the new recruits was driving it, not us. We were there to show some wannabees what it was like to be in a transport truck. Ed got everyone else off and I made sure it didn't go straight through the crowd by directing it at the only solid thing I could find. Now please Roy, take your sarcasm and your attitude and get out of our room!" Maes clutched at his head and groaned. "And don't forget to call Gracia for me," he said before he followed Ed's example and buried his aching head under his pillow.

Roy left the room. He sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"Colonel?" The young voice queried.

"Yes, Al. It's your turn to have a go at them now." He smiled slightly. "Good luck."

* * *

_The Fullmetal Alchemist was rumoured to be at death's door and the Colonel was holding a vigil at his bedside along with Fullmetal's brother. _

* * *

Author's Note: They just keep coming from somewhere… grins

Enjoy

silken :)


	11. The Books

**The Rumour**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 11: The Books**

Colonel Roy Mustang began to dread going to the office. Since the accident, he believed that just about every soldier and secretary within Headquarters, all wanting to give him messages or gifts for Edward, had accosted him. The ones that had missed him had left their gifts and cards on his desk. He hadn't known just how popular the young alchemist was and it had startled him.

Even at the hospital, nurses and staff were almost cosseting their golden-eyed patient and Roy was starting to find it all just a bit tiring. Yes, he was Edward's Commanding Officer, but why did they have to keep requesting that he deliver their gifts to Edward. If they wanted to do that, why didn't they go to the hospital themselves instead of making him trudge down there every day after work with bags of chocolate and flowers hanging from him?

It didn't help that the blond at the centre of all this attention was completely oblivious to all his suffering and complained bitterly every time the Colonel appeared.

"Why can't you just burn all of that shit, bastard?" The complaint came the moment he entered the room and Roy held back a sigh with great difficulty.

"Because if I am not seen to walk in here with all these offerings, the nurses would be sure to say something and all the people who have gone to such an effort would blame me for you not receiving their gifts." He put the bags on the bed and surveyed its annoying occupant. Ed's left arm was still in a cast and the bruise that covered half his face was starting fade at the edges.

"Don't be ungrateful, Ed," Maes Hughes called from the other bed. "If it wasn't for the chocolate in there, we'd have to survive completely on hospital food."

"How are you going to manage when they discharge him, Hughes?" Roy queried as he looked at his friend.

"You'll still bring me things, won't you Roy? That's what friends do for their best friends you know."

"If it wasn't for Gracia, Maes, I'd be very tempted to let you starve," Roy sighed. He had thought that having Maes Hughes confined to a hospital bed with a broken leg would mean no phone calls and no photos. He had been wrong. Somehow, Maes had persuaded the hospital to put a phone by his bed and he had persuaded Al to collect all of his pictures from his temporary lodgings. This meant Maes had access to the two items that made him the most dangerous person in the country. It was probably being confined with him that made Edward so irritable, Roy mused as he watched the blond catalogue the contents of the bags.

"Anything of interest happening, Roy?" Maes asked as he caught the selected items Ed tossed to him and began to examine the day's haul.

"Not really. Unless you count Havoc setting himself on fire as something of interest," Roy remarked as he made himself as comfortable as he could in the hospital's slightly misguided idea of a comfortable chair.

"How'd he manage that?"

"Trying to smoke and sleep at the same time according to Hawkeye." Roy chuckled slightly. "He had to borrow my spare uniform from the office."

Maes looked up. "And you didn't get a picture of that?" He accused his friend as he began to imagine the sight of the taller and broader Havoc wearing a uniform sized for the more slender and shorter Colonel.

"Well well," Edward suddenly smirked. "I guess size is relative after all."

"Shut it shrimp," Roy smirked back at him. "There are some heights you will never reach."

Instead of ranting back at him, the blond simply laughed. "And neither will you!"

* * *

Edward flopped back into his pillows after the Colonel had gone. His head ached and his arm itched under the cast. He pushed the bags further down the bed with his foot and settled himself into a more comfortable position.

"You ok, Ed?" Hughes asked as he saw the blond's creased forehead.

"Yeah, just tired," Ed replied.

"If you have another headache, you should tell them," Maes told him and Ed shot him a quick look.

"It's fine."

"You know they're going to keep you here until the headaches are gone."

"I know," Ed sighed.

"And you know you can't pretend that they've gone just to get out of here, don't you?"

"Yes." Ed's voice was reluctant, but Al had caught him trying to convince the doctors that he didn't have the headaches anymore. Al had not been impressed and within five minutes he had managed to get Ed's promise to stay until the headaches had disappeared.

"At least you have a lot of people thinking about you, Ed." Hughes smiled and Ed groaned.

"I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I wish they wouldn't keep giving me stuff." Ed grimaced. "Some of them seemed to think I was dying." He rolled over and looked at the older man. "And some are just…strange."

Hughes grinned. He had already heard Ed's views on the 'strange' ones. He had been most impressed at Ed's rant when he had finally told the blond that some of his admirers were male. "It's the Military, Ed. In a mainly male environment, you're going to get a fair percentage of men who prefer men."

"But why me? Why don't they all pick on the bastard?"

"Who knows, Ed. I doubt you'll find an answer to that one."

"There has to be an answer some where," Ed muttered and then he frowned. "I think I remember seeing..." his voice trailed off as he thought some more.

* * *

Roy Mustang watched idly as the librarian placed another book in the bag and wondered why he had volunteered to collect the books Edward had wanted. It had probably been the martyred sigh Al had given that had been his undoing. Plus, Al wasn't a State Alchemist which meant he would not have been able to actually remove any of the books from the Library. Even Roy had had a hard time convincing the librarian that it really was necessary for him to be able to borrow these books for the last few days of Ed's hospital stay.

He sighed. He was getting soft regarding the boy… young man. He should have made him wait, but Ed had been so determined. He had taken the list and handed it over for them to fill. He hadn't looked at the list, he really didn't care what it was Ed wanted to research as long as it kept him quiet.

The librarian gave him a hard stare as she brought the bag over and he grunted at its weight.

"I trust you will return them, unmarked and unsullied in any form, Colonel." She stated in a frigid and disapproving voice.

"Yes, Ma'am," he replied with a smooth smile. "Fullmetal, as you know, has always treated books well and I doubt he would suddenly change now." The woman had been giving him dark looks ever since he had handed the list over after he had gained permission to take the books with him.

"I will hold you responsible Colonel Mustang." She didn't react to his smile, if anything she looked even more disapproving. There was an almost palpable air around her as if she thought he was lying.

Roy gave up trying to charm her and bowed his head, his usual bland expression firmly in place as he turned and left.

* * *

_Before he reached the hospital it was widely known that the Colonel was using his State Alchemist privileges to get books of an 'indecent and lewd' nature for his own personal use. _

* * *

-0-

Author's Note: Poor Roy, he just can't win some days... grins… this silly bunny wouldn't let me sleep until it had written itself out...

enjoy

silken :)


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